Tell Tale Heart-Valley Girl Style

LOL!! Like so much fun. In my writing class we translated a famous passage, in this case, THE TELL TALE HEART by Edgar Allen Poe's. We could choose Irish, Hindu, Russian, anything you could imagine. I picked Valley Girl. It was a great experience writing it, I hope I 've done it justice. I’ve included the original passage from Poe's THE TELL TALE HEART so you can compare. Enjoy!!!


A BIG THANK YOU goes to Leslie for editing this work. Having your works edited is an awesome idea!!!

The Tell Tale Heart- Edgar Allen Poe

TRUE! nervous very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How then am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story.
It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye! Yes , it was this! One of his eyes resembled that of a vulture—a pale blue eye with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me my blood ran cold, and so by degrees, very gradually, i made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye for ever.

Hearts Are Like Such Snitches- A Valley Girl adaptation of The Tell Tale Heart

          Like so true!! I am like so nervous. I’m still shaking. Seriously, you didn’t just say I was crazy?! Whatever! Like totally so rude! It’s like I can hear, see, and smell way better.  I am so totally not lying either. It was like I was totally hearing voices from the sky and the ground. I know like awesome right!! BTW the ground was totally dirty and gross, ruined my Gucci. What was like wickedly trippy was I like heard from that place where, you know, that man with the horns lives? I am so bad at names especially if not in my five faves. What is the name again...that’s right hell....ooh how am I like totally crazy? WTH, listen you lack of designer know-it-alls. PS If you need any tipsI know people. I am so totally mad at you right now. I won’t say this again, I am totally chilling here, not going to pass out either.  GEEZE!! Get a grip but watch my bag.
          Hmmmm. I can’t remember when I got that like totally awesome idea I couldn’t get it out of my like gorgeous head like that one song. Or it was like the time I phoned Christa to have a girls weekend in Jamaica!! Then it kinda like got annoying. I like totally loved the old man. EEWWW GROSS, not that way you perv!! OMG he never like touched me. He like didn’t even flirt with me. Not that I would ever do that. Like he wasn’t even my sugar daddy. I might have one someday like who wouldn’t want me. Gawd, I hope it's like Gerard Butler. He’s like so totally hot. The old man's eye was like kinda creepy though, I mean creeeepppyyy!! It was totally like one of those disgusting birds that eat like dead things but blue and filthy. What are they called? Oh ya!! Vultures!!! Like thanks. When he like looked at me it totally, and I mean like totally, gave me like shivers and not the good shivers. Look! Look at the goosebumps on my arm. Who knows what gross things he was like thinking. So, I decided to like totally bump him off so he wouldn’t like look at me ever again. I know people. Thanks! Now, I see that like disgusting eye all over again. I like so need a bath right now.